My in-between may not be as long as I thought. I’ve started to figure out what the different sides of the coin may be. The paths that will hopefully bring me closer to that moss.
But it kind of feels like I’m flipping a whole handful of pennies with one big quarter right in the center.
Is it right to want stability, peace, flexibility and sacrifice the potential of greater fulfillment and, perhaps, greater impact? Or will that greater flexibility provide me with the time and resources to be part of that greater impact?
What adds more is the involvement of my adored ones’ feelings, desires, influence. The promises and contracts that may have to be broken in order to fulfill my passions. The prolonged hollowness if I stay (my own and adored ones(?)). The pursuit of my safety and contentment for their own peace of mind.
I mean I can change the sides again later, right?
I don’t think I can make a mistake. It’s time to make a move. My heart was calling to something. Although some things nicked away at that inkling, I think the only way it will be swayed is if I’m convinced my fulfillment and stability will be both met to the standards that make the most sense. The funny thing is that I still don’t know what those standards are. What exactly will meet those standards? It’s not so black and white as I want it to be. It’s soupy. Colorfully frustrating waters. They’re all beautiful. Just different colors. Or am I trying to paint over something that is actually dull? But won’t those shiny pennies on the side also make up for the quarter’s dullness? Is it even dull? I feel like I am blind.
Forget the damn coins. The initial gut feeling.. do I just go with it? I think I do.
As from The Giver – “Knowing what something is, is not the same as knowing how something feels”.
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